Yet another screed about Dry January

Dry January is hogwash.

Every year I endure the torture of people chirping about how they’ve ditched alcohol. For one month. The problem for me is the hype and hyperbole. Rational people mutate into evangelical-wellness experts. Their eyes roll back and they start speaking in tongues. Their passion is feverish. If left for too long, it would rot the mind.

Most experts agree that fad diets, detoxes, and cleanses will flop. There’s little evidence they work. And yet, after every revolution around the sun, we return here. Semi-respectable publications and websites push pseudoscience masquerading as “researched” articles. You can find this crap stacked under headlines like “Dry January Can Be Amazing For Your Health, If Done Right.”

I find it ridiculous. Especially when February hits and we go full Disney. It’s a Cinderella moment. Except the transformation is from “I’m sober” to “It’s OK to get sloppy.” I get that people need a break from booze. But you should check yourself if you imbibe so much that you need a month off. And I enjoy imbibing.

Fad diets, detoxes and cleanses don’t work. If pampered people want to go sober and pony up $350 for seven-day juice cleanses in January, so be it. Just keep it to yourself.

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